To everything turn turn turn

Life is such a painful chaos sometimes. I had an abscess or…something. Similar to when I had an infection in my face that finally burst in and out (out my cheek and eye and into my mouth, it was gross lemme tell you.) The worthless vindictive emts in Boron stuck me in the psych ward for 3 days, I’m lucky I’m alive really. They did nothing. (Colton hospital), everyday a team of doctors came by and asked if I was gonna kill myself. There wasn’t even a tv, after a day I begged for at least a pencil and paper and they gave me some markers with no ink. It was no better than the horrifying movies you see about the asylums in the 1800s. This is our country…

After it burst my whole face changed shape overnight, much to the amazement of the people I was living with. I can see it now in pictures spreading over my face. While I can sorta understand now why my family thought I was drunk or something I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to forgive them for not just listening to me and getting me medical care. I called my mom from the psych ward and was told to go to rehab even when I begged her to just drug test me. Help me, anything. If my ex and fiance hadn’t searched for me they would have kept me for a year. I would never treat anyone like that. C’est la vie though I guess. She can sort it out with God I guess, since that’s what she seems to want. I already have.

Anyways I had another thing like that, swelling near my brain, so I completely lost my shit. It totally changes my personality. So im trying to unravel that mess, and figure what all I did. I know I should get help but like …how? They don’t help. And I put myself at risk of losing what little I have, and lil Slabby, putting myself in their hands. And Brawley really does have the worst hospital in the country.

I’ll survive though. In the meantime I’m…sad. so I’m listening to Pink Floyd’s the wall over and over. Do you have a depressed album? C’mon you know you do. After 20 years I’m getting a bit sick of mine. And sick of being depressed. So if you have an alternative lemme know. I have no music biases. You can be the biggest vato shot caller on earth, I’m still gonna rock out to Justin Bieber and the Aquabats if you gimme control of the jukebox.

And to those that really love me, and deal with this shitshow…thank you.

And special thanks to Karen Worth, who paid for the meds to get me better …

Crabby Slabby

Slabby’s to do list:

• Wake up.
• Choose violence.

Check and mf’ing check.

Viva la something

I just found out there are wedding bounce houses. You can’t tell me it’s not a great time to be alive.

I’m wanty not needy

Pirate Rob once accused me of only coming around when I needed something. That hurt.

Ok, not really. I laughed. Deep down Rob knows I’m madly in love with him and come around when I’m around…

I’m just a needy bitch.

I have no idea how that should surprise anybody.

Anyways think you could spot me 5? Like 10, max.

Redrum is murder backwards in case you didn’t get it

Originally posted October 30, 2021

Tonight I went to karaoke. I didnt sing because I dont hate everyone. Double Z said he wanted to go though he had only been once years before I was supposed to have just brought him cheesecake. Ok then, getting out is good and the old guy loves to dance. Mainly with his 2 little dogs, who look like mops and bark a lot. “Go wash a floor.” I tell them. Getting him there was like herding cats and took an hour and a half. I told him his new slab name was King Piddlefart “Its good to be king” he cackles.

We get lost but eventually run into a woman he knows, who is next door to Marty’s karaoke. It was fun though I had a sorta autistic shutdown an hour in. I could no longer understand anything other than the dogs who were just hyped. Zz danced with Dot who is absolutely adorable and funny and very very loud lol.  When we walked home Zz said it was the best day he’d had in a long time. Which made it…me too. I often just buy food with donations and I gave him some grapes that were just freaking good and he ate cheesecake and we had a beer at Redrum (we live on the same street). Heylel showed up and we decided to stop for a soda but they were closed.

Which meant we sat and laughed half the night with pirate Rob, and Jinxy.So the highlight of karaoke, to me. First off Jinxy argued with someone years ago at karaoke and showed up in disguise and it took a minute for people to recognize her which was hysterical. She wears some risque shit and has the body to do that and Zz declared he’d recognized her by her butt. I rolled my eyes then almost fell off my seat at what Jinxy had just said after singing and sitting down at a table of fairly respectable couples. “If any of you want to try any of the weird shit with another woman im down.”It wasnt until she grinned that they all started laughing too. I almost died but am stuck in silence amongst so many competing voices. We are both always working so barely know each other but I feel like im her spirit animal or something. Not sure how that works. She told the singer after her that they were really good and she sounded sincere and I thought how different our world would be if we just were kind to each other.  I think we all should try it and find out.

People suck

This was going to be a very different post. About the kindness of people in Brawley, how they’ve helped heal me.

Then I experienced my first real discrimination. I am banned from Western Liquor because I’m homeless basically. They had some excuse of how ive been in with someone who was stealing. I said they need to watch the videos, I do not steal – but she wouldn’t even give me the owners number just some vague “he’s here on Fridays.”

Help you guys, beyond contacting the BBB what can I do?

It was the best of times it was the worst of times

I am going to start writing about my time in Slab City. I am going to name names. I have filled a notebook already.

If you think I should leave you out of it better have a real compelling reason, or kill me right now.

This ain’t Italy so hold the venetian sausage

Originally posted 2021

I know that title makes zero sense but sometimes blogging is really hard. Earlier I was thinking about what to write while digging but all I could think was its illegal to swim in the canal but if you should happen to fall in at night I bet every clump that floated by would make you pee a little and that’s why its also a bad idea to drink canal water. Plus that last clump for sure had hair and theres some things even a life straw cant help and hair in your teeth is for sure a dealbreaker.

Thats probably why I cut the step too far over making a straight staircase impossible. And I know a spiral staircase would be way cooler but ive got shit to do and even if it looks weird one that hangs slightly left will still get you there and wont ditch you on your birthday. Plus its not the only thing here that isnt straight ifyouknowwhatimean. The back steps not me, they start 4 feet up and dont connect but I guess im the only frogger fan.

Not that I dont like girls but they take forever and I have the attention span of a gnat so 10 minutes in im whining im an artist not a contractor so id rather demand everyone arrive via interprative dance so start thinking of how you’d translate lesbian seagull cuz you will be graded. Then its all cacaw bitches cacaw is neither appropriate pillow talk, Amber, nor a rousing battle cry for the other squad to bring it. And seriously who has time for this shit people should appreciate how quickly you arrive at the bottom with the current system and also that I keep most of my thoughts to myself.

Where my people at

To the Brawleyans who are here after reading a sign – we’re sorry if after getting that close you notice the faint scent of pee. It is pee, thanks Slabby and unaffordable laundromats, we’r ppe mostly sorry you noticed.

Also sorry if you noticed me drop the pizza when I was trying to push the cart and carry it, then eat it anyways. Also if you saw me offer Jimbo a slice. I figured with hands this dirty the 5 second rule had some wiggle room.

I still love Brawley though. Brawleyan doesn’t even sound bad. Every other place you add an to, as they all do, sounds weird right? Try it. Go ahead, I’ll wait. Doesn’t Oregonian sound like some made up shit? Don’t do Wyoming that place is made up. Wyomingan sounds bizarre but don’t bother looking for one to ask I told you they don’t exist and I don’t have all night. I bet they’d drop the g though if they were real.

Anyways welcome. Happy to be Brawlin’ but not at all surprised if it turns out we don’t exist.

Let me sell you a bridge in the desert, arent the flames cozy?

In marketing you create personas – they’re representation of certain kinds of people you want to market to. I just pulled out the folder for Slab City and pulled out this little gem of a notation:

Somehow convince Slabbers not to speak to them. Possible solutions – maybe lie and say they’re deaf or not real and just a hallucination and suggest rehab.

I laugh uncomfortably and file it away.

I mean, sounds legit…